Women with ADHD often overlooked by doctors
Women with ADHD often wait years for a diagnosis. Many receive incorrect diagnoses of anxiety or depression first, or their symptoms are dismissed entirely. The delay stems from how the condition is defined, who gets noticed, and societal expectations of women.
The quiet profile that slips through cracks
Maria Cohut, a features editor, received her ADHD diagnosis as an adult. She recalled walking through an office, typing on a laptop in one hand while talking to a colleague and carrying a snack in the other. A coworker stopped her and asked how she could do so many things at once. Cohut didn’t understand the question—her brain simply worked that way.
She had always been a quiet, high-achieving student. Teachers saw a shy girl who paid attention. What they missed was the racing thoughts and daydreaming, and the effort required to appear focused. “I would perform focus,” she said. “It felt unnatural, but that’s what I did.”
This masking begins early. Girls learn which behaviors are acceptable and which lead to trouble. They suppress fidgeting, interrupting, or losing track of conversations. By adulthood, many have spent years hiding traits that don’t fit expectations.
Diagnosis built for boys
Professor Davida Hartman, a chartered educational and child psychologist, joins the discussion to explore these issues. The typical image of ADHD—a hyperactive child who can’t sit still—doesn’t match how the condition often appears in girls and women.
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Women are more likely to experience internalized symptoms like forgetfulness, emotional dysregulation, or executive dysfunction rather than outward hyperactivity. These traits are easier to overlook or blame on stress or personality.
The diagnostic process
To qualify for an ADHD assessment, traits must have been present before age 12. For women who masked well or whose childhood struggles were dismissed as “just being a daydreamer,” this requirement can feel impossible. Hartman’s practice sometimes works around it. “If someone wants to explore ADHD traits, they can self-identify,” she said. “We can still try medication to see if it helps.”
Not everyone needs medication. Some find relief in therapy, coaching, or lifestyle changes. Others benefit from stimulants, though responses vary. Hartman cautioned against expecting medication to solve everything. “Many people hope an ADHD diagnosis and medication will make their lives perfect. That isn’t always the case.”
Strengths hidden in the struggle
ADHD isn’t just a list of deficits. Hartman describes it as a “variable attention” style—a brain that processes information differently. Some people hyperfocus on engaging tasks, losing track of time. Others thrive in high-pressure environments, generating creative solutions. Many women with ADHD are highly empathetic and skilled at managing multiple responsibilities.
The real challenge is a world that rewards only one way of functioning. Schools and workplaces prioritize selective attention—sitting still, following routines, completing tasks in order. For someone with ADHD, that approach often feels unnatural. “We need different kinds of minds,” Hartman said. “People who pay attention in varied ways bring valuable perspectives.”
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Society’s expectations of women worsen the problem. They’re supposed to be organized, nurturing, and reliable. Forgetting a birthday or showing up late is seen as a personal failing, not a neurological difference. Hartman advises friends and family to reframe these moments. “If you know they care about you and show up in other ways, those small slip-ups don’t define their character.”
For women with ADHD, the first step is often the most important: recognizing that their struggles aren’t character flaws. Cohut put it simply. “Understanding yourself and why you do things a certain way can lead to a happier, more authentic life.”
The challenges don’t disappear. But they become more manageable without shame.
During the pandemic, many turned to creative pursuits as an outlet, mirroring how women with ADHD often channel their energy into unique strengths.
